Monday, September 28, 2009
the baby i love so much which i really don't know how to let go !
i wanna let you go and be with her .
but i don't bear to !
BABY ; i really need you alot , but why must you neglect me ?
will you just spare some time to be with me .
i don't want to be left alone :(
i ever wanted to turn back to her , but i really can't bear to let go of our relationship .
although our relationship only lasted 1 week , but it meant alot to me :)
love me or love me not ? please don't let go .
you won't understand the agony and sorrow i'm feeling .
i've never hesitate loving you , but have you ?
how long will i need to take to win your whole heart ?
not partly here partly with her ?!?!
all i knew was loving you even i'm being stupid , i don't mind !
spent the whole day at home and running downstairs .
slept at 7plus today morning .
was actualy waiting for baby message or call , but he didn't !
so only manage to sleep for few hours and i woke up at 12 plus .
kinda steam and tired !
called baby ; he's already outside but due to busy -
so whole night until the time i called him , he didn't have time to sms me :X
so is this a excuse that i can accept ?
i indeed don't know whether is the trust there ?
it's too obvious that he don't trust me at all !
so must i continue to put in effort in this relationship .
at times i do wonder should i let go of him and he'll then have a chance ;
to return to shiya to try the relationship out again ?
but i can't bear to let go of him .
i don't what causes my love towards him so deep that it only lasted 1 week ?
but i think i shall accept the fact the loving him means i have to give in .
but at times he is indeed busy that he really has no time for me .
other than sleeping time , i don't even have time for each other .
i have plenty of time for him but not him :((
is this the regretment i feel ?
i don't regret choosing him as my bf .
but the main thing is , i knew that he will change to worse .
and he's already changing , and it's beyond his control and knowing !!
i do miss miaoling alot and having difficulties to let go .
for the sake of him i kept on trying my best to make it through :)
but does he know how much he actually meant to me ?
after knowing him , he indeed brighten up my days .
but at the same time making me stress too .
worrying that he don't know how to take care of himself .
tagging boy what to do and what not to do , he seems unsure too !
then my duty is to nag and warn him over the curfew time :P
today message pohying and talk to her about how i feel .
but i think forget it lo .
i think only cherry will really know what actgually happen .
wanted to relate to pohying more .
but no choice , it seems that she's also busy with wuxian everyday :)
hope that hope of them can really last .
something which i e xpected is that me and baby won't last through our first month !
i know it too well for myself , he don't love me at all :((
it's just a moment of blur and unsure causes him to like me .
when he don't even know what he is doing !
i won't leave him no matter what , but i think as time pass .
i'll have to accept the fact that he will slowly leave my life .
i believe that he can find a better and more understanding girl !
our life and character is totally different .
i have start to understand that loving is not as easy as what i think .
i don't want to bother if he is a flirter or playboy in the past .
what i know is i still love him .
but as for looking forward to future , it totally depend on him already :(
tears can flows down my cheeks , can close my eyes for what i've seen .
keep my ears off all the rumours about him .
actually i r 'm already getting frustrated these days .
he has been very moody due to tired , i know i should understand ,
so i kept calling him to ask about him but ..
ended up he giving me a very bad attitude while speaking to me .
hais , i'm indeed speechless , wanted to get angry but i don't bear to :X
i'm loving the present him , hope he have already change :)
how long will he take to get over shiya , to forget her from his mind ?!?!
who can tell me the answer ?
i guess i'm just a spare tire for him to find to cover his love for shiya that time
what will happen next ?
he is getting scary !
neglecting me , his call and message cut down , his attitude ..
so on so forth !
shall accept the fact that i'm not a very nice girl that deserve any better guy .
accept that my life is destined then !
looking forward to happy moments i'm going to have with him ,
ask myself ; when will this day come ?
is this our love or is this a moment of both our unsureness ?!?!
Y
PaintMeAnILLUSION
1:34 AM